SOMEBODY KEYED MY CAR! I MEAN, WELL, READ ON!
I almost lost my CHRISTmas cheer today. I mean, it was a close one. I had several errands to run: a trip to the veterinarian, the bank, the grocery, Sam's Club, the dollar store, and my final stop, the UNITED STATES POST OFFICE, yours and my favorite place to visit this time of year, right?
I pulled my maroon colored Impala right in front of the P.O, found a perfect spot right by the door to park, nabbed my packages from the back seat, jumped out, hit the lock button, and headed across the street. The line, OF COURSE, was excessively long, but I put on my best Christmas smile despite everyone else's frowns. No one was stealing MY good cheer.
((Here's my car, by the way--'cause I was quite sure you'd want to see it!))
Things went amazingly well, and I was out the door in record time considering the line behind me had grown a half-mile. The first thing I noted when I hit the unlock button was the beep sound I made in the car behind me. It's true. I have this uncanny ability to make other horns honk when I use my keys--weird, I know. I once had to use my own key fob to stop some truck's alarm system! I HAVE POWERS, what can I say? (The people passing by were quite amazed I might add!)
Back to my story. The second thing I noticed on my maroon Chevy Impala was a HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, NEVER BEFORE SEEN, deep, gouged line that went the length of my car, starting at the rear door, going up to the front fender, then circling back again. I ran my hand over it, thinking it would rub right out, but, nope, this was a true act of anger on someone's part. I'm talking the "somebody hates me" kind of rage. I gasped and immediately thought, "Who would do this in broad daylight? And right before Christmas? The meanies." Well, I got inside and sort of looked around. It "felt" kind of different in there, although I couldn't quite put my finger on why. For one thing, my chocolate sucker, which I'd left in the cup-holder was gone. Blast it all! The bums even took my sucker! It wasn't enough that they keyed my car? They had to reach in and take my milk-chocolate sucker--that cost me $2.25?
The next thing I noted was the blanket on the seat. What? Who's blanket is that? Then I turned around and saw a package on the back seat that wasn't mine. And THEN I remembered the beeping sound my key had made on the car behind me when I hit the UNLOCK button. EEEEE-GADS!!!!! I wasn't even in my own car!
I jumped out, made a mad dash for my own car, jumped in, started the engine, and sped away. Looking in my rearview mirror, I saw a young man walk across the road and climb into HIS maroon Impala.
Phew! No insurance calls today--and best, I still had my chocolate sucker. I've lost something, though, in relaying this story to you. Hmm. MY PRIDE. Oh well, I didn't have much to begin with anyway.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, DARLINGS, AND DON'T LET ANYONE STEAL YOUR CHRISTMAS CHEER!
I love you all!